This post has been a long time coming. But i just wasn’t in a place where i had the right words, or felt like talking about it, and i think now i do :)
Over a year and a half ago i was contacted by a prominent publisher to write a book about sewing. On anything i wanted. I was really excited. Writing a book is something i’ve always wanted to do, and had never pursued. I was always fantasizing about what i would write, my notebooks of ideas were full. I was just waiting for that time of my life which would be the right moment to go for it. For my time. And now it seemed like that moment was upon me. Let me tell you, the process of negotiating a book deal is no joke. It took a long time, and it was tiring and stressful, and was a lot of work. But i loved the concept of the book, and the vision is something i still think is awesome. But as we got further along in the process, i began to see how much work it would take to write this book. What i would have to give up.
It would be my life for at least a year. All things would have to take second seat to it. And suddenly i found myself thinking about how i could possibly look after my darling kids and how i could try and run my business and still find time for full time book writing. When would i spend time with Chris? When would i sleep? And the more i tried to make it all work, the more it became apparent that it couldn’t. (by this point in the year i had developed a stress ulcer)
Until one night i snapped. And completely unprovoked i yelled at my husband. If i write this book i won’t be able to have another baby!
And that was my moment of clarity. That was the moment i realised that as much as writing a book is something i’d love to do, it wasn’t the real dream i had for my life. It would get in the way of my real dream. And i knew what it was i really wanted to do with that next year in my life. I wanted to expand our family. And i wanted more moments with my Bunny and Buddy before their days were full of school, and no longer constantly by my side.
So i turned down that book deal, and focused on my health, and took the steps i thought i needed to take to make time in my life to raise another little love, and gather all the golden moments with my kids that i could.
So why am i telling you this story?
Because these days it seems like all anyone with a blog wants to do is write a book, have a more popular blog, start a business, make their stamp on the world, to be known, to become the best whatever etc etc. We are constantly told to push for success, to hustle, to reach for the stars, to prioritize ourselves, to conquer the world! There are better things than being a mother! Your free moments should be spent becoming awesome!! But sometimes those things are not the most important things. And in amongst all the people telling you that the ultimate goal is to write a book, or host a web series, or start a new venture, or be the best new indie something – i wanted someone to tell you that it’s okay if you don’t. It’s okay to choose a quieter life, it’s okay to say no to big opportunities. It’s okay to make real life the most important thing. Because though you may think big opportunities come once in a lifetime, your life also only comes once in a lifetime, and you really don’t want to miss it.
So here i am. A woman with many dreams, and many opportunities, and many once-in-a-lifetimes that i’m happy to say no to. I’m just choosing a different kind of awesome.