I’m trying to teach myself to slow down. I’m starting to realise, that all too often I overwork myself. There are so many things i want to do, that instead of giving up one, I sacrifice sleep and rest. And it’s starting to catch up with me.
I came to this realisation about a week ago, when I woke up incredibly sick, for about the millionth time this year. I had to cancel a lot of fun plans with friends, and just sat at home all week trying to get better. I guess my body is just so rundown that i’m a sitting target now – i’m always the first to get sick, and the last to get better. I guess weeks of only a few hours sleep are starting to hurt…
It’s not easy for me to admit i need to slow down though… it feels somewhat like a defeat to admit I can’t work so hard. I come from a very motivated, hard working family – I honestly I can’t recall a time in my life when i saw my parents idle. They were always doing something. They are the hardest working, most successful people I know, and they never quit. And so of course, I want to be that too. I almost can’t help it. On one hand, it’s a good thing – i know that. It means I’m very productive, and I’d rather die than be lazy. On the other hand, I think I’m breaking myself.
So one step at a time, one 5 minute interval at a time, I’m learning to take a break. To let my heart accept not doing a project i’m excited about. To just sit with my kids on the couch and enjoy the moment, not worrying about what work needs to be done. And just be.